She knows something the first one didn’t:

That in today’s world...

Many Muslim men practice Islam, but don’t actually live it.

And unfortunately,

Some come with poor intentions from the very beginning.

Which means…

When this sister is vetting a potential husband

She knows that not all “religious” seeming men will be a good husband, a role model for her children

She knows that the smile in the meeting might not last.

She knows anyone can sound pious in a 45-minute conversation.

She knows words are cheap, but actions reveal the truth.

So she watches carefully.

She asks the right questions.

She checks his circle, his habits, his attitude toward responsibility.

She listens to what he says about himself, his vision, and his goal about his future family…

But she pays even more attention to what he avoids saying.

Because she knows:

🔴 He could be hiding his true nature

🔴 He might be overly charming now, but emotionally cold later

🔴 He might change the second marriage gives him “power”

🔴 He might think he's seeking knowledge, but is putting it into practice with arrogance or control

🔴 He could be seeking a wife, but not a partner in Jannah just a body in the home and someone to have intimacy with.

And that’s why her outcome is different.

Because while the first sister is just making du’a and hoping for the best (without really analyzing the proposals carefully)…

The second sister is vetting for the best (while still making du’a to Allah SWT) 

While protecting herself from the worst.

Which allows her to find a husband who is:

✅ Mature - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and financially stable

✅ Understands how the Prophet ﷺ treated his wives - with mercy, kindness, and justice

✅ Not power-hungry - but leads with responsibility knowing that this is his sacred duty

✅ Treats her with respect - even when he disagrees with her

✅ Honours her family - and sees them as an extension of her, not competition for attention

And she’s able to do it…

❌ Without lowering her standards

❌ Without sacrificing her deen

❌ Without spending months confused, overthinking, and heartbroken after every talking stage

All because this sister understands:

When it comes to marriage today (especially in the West), it isn’t how it was before.

You can’t just assume just because he’s “on the deen” that he will be a good husband, a strong leader and a role model for the children…

You can’t just assume that because he’s well-spoken, he will also be mature and grounded...

And you definitely can’t assume that just because he was a ‘gentleman’ during the marriage meeting, he’ll be the same behind closed doors.

That’s why she doesn’t rely on feelings.

She relies on frameworks.

She doesn’t just fall for charm.

She also checks for character.

As our Prophet (PBUH) advised us, 

“When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and discord (Fasad).”

And that’s why…